About this piece:

   For our second assignment, our professor extended a few thought-provoking prompts as we ventured into poetry. Out of the options that were to be considered, I chose an aubade. Traditionally, an aubade is a poem, a morning love song, of lovers who have to part ways at daybreak. They only have a night to share each other, to linger in each other's arms, to whisper quiet secrets in the dark. In the night is when they belong to one another. In the rising of a new day's sun, they must part. It is full of melancholy and heartbreak. There is happiness when they are in each other's company, but they are strangled by the loss when apart. Normally, this pairing is because one or both parties are married. It is a clandestine romance, forbidden, but filled with lust and longing, and acted upon when only the strongest of these emotions calls them forth.

I wrote this aubade not from a figment of my imagination, but from my own experience. My own heart was breaking onto the page as I wrote. My own tears were welling up in my eyes, blurring my vision and clouding my judgement. Time has healed a small portion of my heart, but it remains tragically blighted by the actions of two people who couldn't fight desire.

                                                                                                                                         The Silent Goodbye

 

For a thousand nights, I waited

My hand, trembling upon your door as I knocked softly on its wood

Towering over me, the cerulean of your eyes crashing into my emerald shores

Heart racing, mind pacing, bated breath

The longing I’ve felt aching in my chest, the restless nights I spent praying to the heavens for sleep

For it is only in sleep that I would find you

The sunlight thrusts its cruel knife deeper into my soul at the break of a new day, ripping the silken shroud of my dream world

Unsteady, unsure of the body that repels forward, the mind devoid of any sensible thoughts

Only thoughts of you

The quickening pulse, the caress of your lips on mine, the voracity of hurried kisses that, like the quick succession of gunfire

I was Alice. You were the rabbit hole that I had fallen so deep into

The potion that I drank tasted of static orange and butterflies taking their flight too quickly

Strains of our favorite band coursing through the air, urging the transgression forward

Fuzziness. Hands and clothes. Too fast. Not fast enough

Craving as it is my last meal on Earth

Bodies melding like molten lava, then cooling into Obsidian

The stars burning their lifetimes above the roof

Our emotions, hot and bright, under the canopy of your bed

Tormented years of longing manifesting into this moment

This moment became the death throes of the compass of my morals

All of this, all of this, all of this, I wished for.

All of this, all of this, all of this…

 

A sea of white cotton, the smell of sin lingering in the atmosphere around our heads

The scorch marks of where your skin touched mine

My body clinging to the memory of you filling my spaces

Collapsing onto my chest in a breathy mix of relief and ecstasy

Lips begging for yours, but denied the honor

Your eyes turned from sapphire to onyx

Your face no longer sought mine

Your mouth curled into contempt

Your hands are hidden from my own

You sat with me, but denied my existence

Clothes crumpled onto the floor signifying the life that lay beyond the front door

Fire, once deep and desirous in my belly, now quenched but unsatiated

I swallowed the death moth that swarmed around my cracked halo

I tasted the bitterness that radiated from you

I cried salted diamonds for my awkwardness

I wasn't myself

I wasn't anyone

Words like honey begged to spring forth from my lips, but only a putrid chasm remained

The silken waves of your ocean eyes cannot meet the lush meadows of mine

What have we done?

All of this, all of this, all of this.

 

 

 

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